Nerdapolooza!

I went to a Sci-Fi convention with a friend and our boys. It was SO crowded! I came out of there thinking "my elbows must be too big, because they were bumping into everyone." My friend's son was stopped about 1/2 a dozen times to have his picture taken for being dressed up like Boba Fett. He was soooo cute!

There was the autograph section with pudgy guards to keep us regular folk out (you had to buy a special "I'm allowed to see the washed-up talent" pass - which I didn't buy), a comic book section and a toy section. Needless to say, we spent most of our time in the toy section. My son picked out what he wanted to buy and they were like "cash only." I've had the same $4 in my wallet for about 3months. I NEVER use cash. My friend had to spot me $10 on entry because I didn't have enough money (let's go dutch. oops, I "forgot" my wallet...). Apparently, I'm the only person in the whole nerdiverse who doesn't know that these are cash-only under-the-table I'm-not-reporting-this-on-my-taxes kinds of transactions.

I was like "Do you take credit cards?"
he was all "are you a narc?"
and I was like "Do I look like a narc?"
and he was all "what do you weigh? 160? 165? Only narcs come in here weighing less than 220."
"What if I am a woman?" - I'm betting he's never seen a woman except for his mother. How would they know if I was or not? I'm dainty in this crowd.
"Right. the women are the ones weighing 220."

$8 in transaction fees later, I'm paying in cash, sporting my "I"m with n00b -->" T shirt and guiding a 1/2 size jedi through this thing like a full time dork.

My son's toy choice seemed pretty cool at first. He likes Clone Troopers because they're trained to fight from birth and have cool code names like "Scorch," "Matchstick," and "Rudder." He bought one titled "Airbourne Trooper." Who has a rife, a gun, removable helmet, blast armor and a satchel for explosives. Sounds cool, right? Check him out:




Look at that purse and skirt! ZOMG?!?! What's his code name? Lipstick?

"All units report in"
"Buzz Saw. Ready."
"Stone. Checking in"
"Fixer. Good to go."
"Lipstick. Fab-U-lous!"

I got called a creep today.

"Keep it to yourself Creep-O! This is a house of Gawd!" I guess she called me "creep-O" because calling me a "creep" at church wouldn't be very Christian. OK, so I started at the end. Let me back up.

I started this new mouthwash today and it tasted fantastic! I mean the best mouthwash I've ever tasted. Including that bubble gum mouthwash I had as a kid. At lunch I was thinking "I can have water, milk, orange juice or...mouthwash!" it was so good. It was purple so I was expected cough-syrup grape flavor, but man was I wrong! Target sells it and it's mint-eucalyptus. I've had mint plenty, so I'm guessing it's the eucalyptus. No wonder that's all Koala's eat! It's delicious!

I'm sitting in church and the pastor's talking about the condition of people's souls eternal consequences or somesuch, and all I'm thinking is "My god, this mouthwash tastes good on my teeth." I'm smacking my lips and rubbing my tongue over my gums and making mouth noises to the distraction of the people sitting next to me.

After the service, in the lobby a marginally attractive woman approaches me with a determined look on her face. My church is shaped like an amphitheater and I sit on one end and I recognize her as a regular sitter on the opposite end. I smile because that's what you're supposed to do at church, and she says "Keep it to yourself, Creep-O! This is a house of Gawd!" then marches off in righteous indignation. It's then that I realize that apparently, it's a come-on to look in someone's general direction and lick your teeth and lips.