There was a parcel in the mail today and my son cannot stand to have those things unopened. It's insufferable in an eight-year-old's mind. I tortured him a bit with guessing but then opened it to reveal a compilation CD of a brand of music I like.
When most others I know hear my music I get a comments like "a ten minute song?! I've got a life to go live" or "I don't have the patience to wait that long for the good part." But this is great music from a world-class DJ and my son's heard my ipod before, so I put it in.
He began to shake his proverbial groove thang. He's not had any dance classes, so his brain just moves his limbs as it interprets the rhythms. He's never heard these songs before, so he is completely in the moment. He makes mistakes and doesn't think about it, just keeps on gettin' down. It's beautiful and free.
I couldn't watch.
I kept my head down and watched his feet, trying not to make eye contact. I ate my dinner as if there were no robust movement or distractions.
As I thought about why, I discovered something about myself. I averted my eyes because such a lack of restraint is unseemly. Shameful even. Uninhibited expression is akin to nakedness and somehow inappropriate. It's not to be observed.
This is why I'll never be an artist of any appreciable merit.
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